My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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