I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
