Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize