I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
