She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
