we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
