I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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