So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
