Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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