im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My vagina just recognized that song.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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