I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize