I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
