He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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