giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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