if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize