So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
