ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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