It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
