You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
