Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize