omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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