He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
