i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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