I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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