I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
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