is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
