'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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