I haven't been this sober since birth.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She bit a glass in half.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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