I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
