Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
