Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize