My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
