my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
