I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
