I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
