I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
