the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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