i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
