i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
