You can't motorboat a personality
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
