So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize