i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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