I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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