My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There's always time for handjobs
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
