Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
