I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
