I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
