His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
