I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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