I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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