I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
