There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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