Me too!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
