I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
