He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Found the puke drawer
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
