12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize