playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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