ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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