Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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