i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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