she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
