She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
