I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Randomize
