every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
