I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
