I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
