TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
