Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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