It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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