Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
