bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
