i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize