it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
