I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize