FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Are we still banned from the library?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
