guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
