I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
