Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
