Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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