I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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