batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
