if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
