Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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