haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
