I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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