Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
