I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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